If you sit in a line
On the stone cold floor
As the meatcutters strike
And the chuck is no more
Then the chuck becomes a chip
And the block is in store

The river flows for thousands of miles
But you stare at the water drops
To dodge reality
(Aquatic forest for the trees)

The suicide bomber? No martyr hero be;
The act is barbaric; can't all the Arabs see?
The thoughtful folks throughout the West deplore his deed;
Some others hope more terrorists follow his lead.

See your face at the Super Bowl
Add to my collection
Chemistry and a burning coal
Marketing detection

Nomenclature notwithstanding
Porridge rampant in the hay
Seek the truer understanding
Shifting, shifting, come what may

This is a land with Spanish sounds
But so unlike the west
The cars and coal mines, artistry
The time to take a rest

The travel song was very old
But everything was new
The green green grace from happenstance
It always knew the dream

Where heights and depths contrast so well
Palm Springs knew not such joy
The western wind sends men far east
And it was not a dream

Coventry is miserable this time of year
But I guess we have to expect it, after a fashion
"Add me to your list," said Salvatore Ranieri
"And I will take you on an EtherRide"
As broward powders filled the sky

This is what it's like at Main Street Upland
When the spring appears and the clowns come here

The conductor breathed his last wheeze
Whilst trying to cancel cancel cancel
Salvatore flew to Pittsburgh
And enjoyed his freedumb
Whilst the cows danced a last dance

This is what it's like at Main Street Upland
When the spring appears and the clowns come here

Martians have two noses
Martians have no brains
(as we understand the term)
Martians are shorter

Martians wear knickers
Martians spend nickels
(and other metals)
Martians are shorter

Martians suffer from bloating
Martians have no ears
(as we understand the term)
Martians are shorter

Do not enjoy
Life in the suburbs
Do not enjoy
Life in the suburbs

Web addicts tune in to sports sites
And speak of second Ontarios
Ignoring those in Oregon
Where Gresham is a suburb

Do not enjoy
Life in the suburbs
Do not enjoy
Life in the suburbs

Judometrics is a science that was pushed upon our country
As the jury pool excuses all increased
And the oh-so-human judges all excelled at imperfection
And the only honest lawyers were deceased

So a software engineer conceived a brainstorm application
Using chaos theory, Sybase, and some very secret code
She conducted alpha tests within her own employer's precincts
And some very nasty cheaters hit the road

The beta tests were double-blind and run in Massachusetts
In a western precinct I cannot reveal
When the waste official blasted those who wouldn't take his bribe
The publicity resulted in some million-dollar deals

Rusty the bailiff wasn't needed
The court, you see, is automatic
Decisions made by judometrics
A digital judge with ample data

The clerk typed in the evidence
There was a club, a cyber club
A club with artists, musicians, hackers
And then one day the club was gone

The plaintiff said, "I made a post;
The post was lost, and it is gone
It disappeared from all the world
He killed my post, he killed my thought"

We waited for a firm defense
Defendant none, for he was gone
He only lived within his club
The club deleted, he was gone

Cheese is green and better you've seen
That cheese is green, always green
You may think that learning's mean
But you must know that cheese is green

Painful and obvious chance at fame
On a post in downtown Claremont
Call the poem "Folk"
It's just like kissing
With results that Kurt could endorse

Get your lipstick so you fly
Get your hair extended
Get your ticket to the oldies show
Jonathan Livingston Seagull will never know

Only dial the number if the casualties are critical
Then you dial the number on your screen
Navigate the menus while you search for proper options
Audio that you have never seen

So we watched the jailer as he booked the nasty suspect
Charged her with a crime she knew too well
Using stolen logins just to try to bug some people
Fine results from learning UNIX shell

Watching TV Land all day and night
Emergency! or SWAT was on the screen
Made him feel quite older (he wanna take a stress test)
Made him feel quite dirty (he wanna be a cowboy)

Commie 64, computer plaything
Trek or Pong or Pac Man on the screen
Made him feel quite younger (he wanna fly an airplane)
Made him feel quite washed up (he wanna merge a company)

I guess he'd rather be in Colorado

Harvard had its resting place
Harvard had its lies
Yale would match the super ways
Yale would circumcise

Neck aflame in sterno
Rivers flowing west
Clinging to the garden
Carrots were the best

It's December in Brazil, my love
And the roof is on fire today
Will you tell me if the summer will last
If I head back north to play

And I'd better find some postcards and I'd better find some gifts
And I'd better keep the workday stress at bay
It's December in Brazil, my love
And I'm gonna remain another day

It's December in Brazil, my love
And the streets are all alive at half past noon
And I'm worried and I'm laughing all at once
Boy, I hope this trip won't end too soon

But I'd better find some postcards and I'd better find some gifts
And I'd better keep my legal woes at bay
It's December in Brazil, my love
But I'm gonna head back today

The flight attendant guided me to seat 106
I was sitting across from Al Haig
But ignored him
And he ignored me

This was a trip to relive my prior defeats
Tried to find Zucchero on the airline audio
But all I could find were the Cardigans
Declaring that they were not from Norway

"Sink deep, go to sleep"
I wrote those words twenty years ago
Never dreaming of an asynchronous virtual tour
Through the biometric thicket of Africa

Part One: Moo

Left the poker
Unplugged the connection
106
Rah rah rah
Al Haig is kewl

You enter the Empire via firing ranges and forests
And then find yourself within the majestic beauty
Of the cow pastures.
Something is wrong here.

South of Ontario there is a cow
Her voice is deeper than my own
Feminists ignore her exploitation

If bad music drives out the good
Then things will come to snorkeling
Drown in sounds that go around
And take you east of Burnside

Chaffey did not go to Canada
And lemons do not grow on snowdrifts
Euclidian geometry teaches you how grass grows
And airports shift in time