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Ontario Emperor Poetry


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The Late Wesley Willis Sings About Badgers | Kool Badgers | Capability Maturity Model | Woodchip | Fickle | Bomber | Omnivore | Hire | Dining in Madrid | Vista | Main Street Upland | Martians Are Shorter | Man Behind the Puppet Show | Digital Judge 01 | Who Owns Uploaded Thoughts | Cheese | Folk | Winger | Warrant | 911 is Such a Cad | Neck Aflame in Sterno | Or A Little Faster I: Virtual Candle | Or A Little Faster II: Corporate Cow 1954 | Or A Little Faster III: Flub | Summer Time Will It Ever Last | Window Seat | Lucky Poker Hankie | Team Irvine | Terra | Slim Whitman | Gresham Sub Sonic | Ritalin Wail | Decided | Z Tease | Billy and the Cows | Shallow Depths | Waiting for the Bomb | Dance | Presentation | View of the Realm 1 | Gresham | Center of the Empire


The Late Wesley Willis Sings About Badgers
http://members.tripod.com/ontarioemperor/poetry.html
April 27, 2004

You are a bunch of badgers
You like to dance around a lot
You all try to eat the mushrooms
The mushrooms make me hear the voices in my head

Lots of badgers
Lots of badgers
Lots of badgers
Lots of badgers

You have you watch out for the snake
You play the song in the mix over and over again
You play the song in the mix over and over again
You are big fat rock stars

Lots of badgers
Lots of badgers
Lots of badgers
Lots of badgers

You play the song in the mix over and over again
You play the song in the mix over and over again
You play the song in the mix over and over again
You play the song in the mix over and over again

Lots of badgers
Lots of badgers
Lots of badgers
Lots of badgers

Kool Cigarettes - marketed to black kids

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Kool Badgers
http://members.tripod.com/ontarioemperor/poetry.html
April 27, 2004

Mushrooms left to rot
Ludo Cremers sent some smokes
Snake dance to hip hop

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Capability Maturity Model
http://members.tripod.com/ontarioemperor/poetry.html
November 20, 2003

Cindy tells me that she can type 60 words per minute
Cindy tells me that she became a Kelly girl in 1983
Cindy tells me that she quit the Ford agency after a banking accident

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Woodchip
http://members.tripod.com/ontarioemperor/poetry.html
November 15, 2003

If you sit in a line
On the stone cold floor
As the meatcutters strike
And the chuck is no more
Then the chuck becomes a chip
And the block is in store

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Fickle
http://members.tripod.com/ontarioemperor/poetry.html
April 15, 2003

The river flows for thousands of miles
But you stare at the water drops
To dodge reality
(Aquatic forest for the trees)

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Bomber
http://members.tripod.com/ontarioemperor/poetry.html
March 30, 2003

The suicide bomber? No martyr hero be;
The act is barbaric; can't all the Arabs see?
The thoughtful folks throughout the West deplore his deed;
Some others hope more terrorists follow his lead.

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Omnivore
http://members.tripod.com/ontarioemperor/poetry.html
July 14, 2001

See your face at the Super Bowl
Add to my collection
Chemistry and a burning coal
Marketing detection

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Hire
http://members.tripod.com/ontarioemperor/poetry.html
December 28, 2000

Nomenclature notwithstanding
Porridge rampant in the hay
Seek the truer understanding
Shifting, shifting, come what may

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Dining in Madrid
http://members.tripod.com/ontarioemperor/poetry.html
December 14, 2000

This is a land with Spanish sounds
But so unlike the west
The cars and coal mines, artistry
The time to take a rest

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Vista
http://members.tripod.com/ontarioemperor/poetry.html
December 4, 2000

The travel song was very old
But everything was new
The green green grace from happenstance
It always knew the dream

Where heights and depths contrast so well
Palm Springs knew not such joy
The western wind sends men far east
And it was not a dream

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Main Street Upland
http://members.tripod.com/ontarioemperor/poetry.html
April 26, 2000

Coventry is miserable this time of year
But I guess we have to expect it, after a fashion
"Add me to your list," said Salvatore Ranieri
"And I will take you on an EtherRide"
As broward powders filled the sky

This is what it's like at Main Street Upland
When the spring appears and the clowns come here

The conductor breathed his last wheeze
Whilst trying to cancel cancel cancel
Salvatore flew to Pittsburgh
And enjoyed his freedumb
Whilst the cows danced a last dance

This is what it's like at Main Street Upland
When the spring appears and the clowns come here

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Martians Are Shorter
http://members.tripod.com/ontarioemperor/poetry.html
April 26, 2000

Martians have two noses
Martians have no brains
(as we understand the term)
Martians are shorter

Martians wear knickers
Martians spend nickels
(and other metals)
Martians are shorter

Martians suffer from bloating
Martians have no ears
(as we understand the term)
Martians are shorter

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Man Behind the Puppet Show
http://members.tripod.com/ontarioemperor/poetry.html
April 26, 2000

Do not enjoy
Life in the suburbs
Do not enjoy
Life in the suburbs

Web addicts tune in to sports sites
And speak of second Ontarios
Ignoring those in Oregon
Where Gresham is a suburb

Do not enjoy
Life in the suburbs
Do not enjoy
Life in the suburbs

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Digital Judge 01
http://members.tripod.com/ontarioemperor/poetry.html
November 20, 1999

Judometrics is a science that was pushed upon our country
As the jury pool excuses all increased
And the oh-so-human judges all excelled at imperfection
And the only honest lawyers were deceased

So a software engineer conceived a brainstorm application
Using chaos theory, Sybase, and some very secret code
She conducted alpha tests within her own employer's precincts
And some very nasty cheaters hit the road

The beta tests were double-blind and run in Massachusetts
In a western precinct I cannot reveal
When the waste official blasted those who wouldn't take his bribe
The publicity resulted in some million-dollar deals

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Who Owns Uploaded Thoughts
http://members.tripod.com/ontarioemperor/poetry.html
September 5, 1999

Rusty the bailiff wasn't needed
The court, you see, is automatic
Decisions made by judometrics
A digital judge with ample data

The clerk typed in the evidence
There was a club, a cyber club
A club with artists, musicians, hackers
And then one day the club was gone

The plaintiff said, "I made a post;
The post was lost, and it is gone
It disappeared from all the world
He killed my post, he killed my thought"

We waited for a firm defense
Defendant none, for he was gone
He only lived within his club
The club deleted, he was gone

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Cheese
http://members.tripod.com/ontarioemperor/poetry.html
August 22, 1999

Cheese is green and better you've seen
That cheese is green, always green
You may think that learning's mean
But you must know that cheese is green

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Folk
http://members.tripod.com/ontarioemperor/poetry.html
August 22, 1999

Painful and obvious chance at fame
On a post in downtown Claremont
Call the poem "Folk"
It's just like kissing
With results that Kurt could endorse

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Winger
http://members.tripod.com/ontarioemperor/poetry.html
August 21, 1999

Get your lipstick so you fly
Get your hair extended
Get your ticket to the oldies show
Jonathan Livingston Seagull will never know

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Warrant
http://members.tripod.com/ontarioemperor/poetry.html
August 21, 1999

Only dial the number if the casualties are critical
Then you dial the number on your screen
Navigate the menus while you search for proper options
Audio that you have never seen

So we watched the jailer as he booked the nasty suspect
Charged her with a crime she knew too well
Using stolen logins just to try to bug some people
Fine results from learning UNIX shell

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911 is Such a Cad
http://members.tripod.com/ontarioemperor/poetry.html
July 7, 1999

Watching TV Land all day and night
Emergency! or SWAT was on the screen
Made him feel quite older (he wanna take a stress test)
Made him feel quite dirty (he wanna be a cowboy)

Commie 64, computer plaything
Trek or Pong or Pac Man on the screen
Made him feel quite younger (he wanna fly an airplane)
Made him feel quite washed up (he wanna merge a company)

I guess he'd rather be in Colorado

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Neck Aflame in Sterno
http://members.tripod.com/ontarioemperor/poetry.html
June 24, 1999

Harvard had its resting place
Harvard had its lies
Yale would match the super ways
Yale would circumcise

Neck aflame in sterno
Rivers flowing west
Clinging to the garden
Carrots were the best

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Or A Little Faster I: Virtual Candle
http://members.tripod.com/ontarioemperor/poetry.html
June 4, 1999

I was losing money like mad
At the impromptu poker birthday party
My wallet belonged in a general hospital
Playing chess and flying kites
So many virtual candles and so little time

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Or A Little Faster II: Corporate Cow 1954
http://members.tripod.com/ontarioemperor/poetry.html
June 4, 1999

Gerald stood at the top of the ladder
Peering down into the box that was his new home
Gingerly he placed his foot on the top rung
And
slowly lowered himself into the box
The box became narrower as he descended
Reminding him of his days in fast food
When the dream of employment was shattered by reality

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Or A Little Faster III: Flub
http://members.tripod.com/ontarioemperor/poetry.html
June 4, 1999

I don't want no flub
Flub is a gal who hangs out at the mall at tea
Empty appointment book
Bought by the
last guy suckered into her wild web

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Summer Time Will It Ever Last
http://members.tripod.com/ontarioemperor/poetry.html
May 8, 1999

It's December in Brazil, my love
And the roof is on fire today
Will you tell me if the summer will last
If I head back north to play

And I'd better find some postcards and I'd better find some gifts
And I'd better keep the workday stress at bay
It's December in Brazil, my love
And I'm gonna remain another day

It's December in Brazil, my love
And the streets are all alive at half past noon
And I'm worried and I'm laughing all at once
Boy, I hope this trip won't end too soon

But I'd better find some postcards and I'd better find some gifts
And I'd better keep my legal woes at bay
It's December in Brazil, my love
But I'm gonna head back today

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Window Seat
http://members.tripod.com/ontarioemperor/poetry.html
May 8, 1999

The flight attendant guided me to seat 106
I was sitting across from Al Haig
But ignored him
And he ignored me

This was a trip to relive my prior defeats
Tried to find Zucchero on the airline audio
But all I could find were the Cardigans
Declaring that they were not from Norway

"Sink deep, go to sleep"
I wrote those words twenty years ago
Never dreaming of an asynchronous virtual tour
Through the biometric thicket of Africa

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Lucky Poker Hankie
http://members.tripod.com/ontarioemperor/poetry.html
April 29, 1999

Part One: Moo

Lucky poker hankie placed in pocket
Meanwhile back at the rancho
106 fades back to pass
Sun rising on his right
Cheerleader screaming on the side
Screaming "fight fight fight"
(And the C.P.O. said "Shop, shop, shop!")

Part Two: Soap

Lucky poker hankie put to good use
Meanwhile back at N. city
Sitting 'round the table
Watching the three-legged dog
Fell down, but got back up again
What do you make of that
(Avoid the subject of the neighbor.)

Part Three: Comfort

Team Irvine won its first game today
Meanwhile back north in the empire
A package arrived in the mail
The lucky poker hankie had returned
He thought back twenty years or more
And remembered the bridges he had burned
(I coulda been a Camway salesman!)

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Team Irvine
http://members.tripod.com/ontarioemperor/poetry.html
April 23, 1999

Left the poker
Unplugged the connection
106
Rah rah rah
Al Haig is kewl

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Terra
http://members.tripod.com/ontarioemperor/poetry.html
April 19, 1999

"Broken Beerlobe" marred the view of the sea
Causing all to mourn the songs that never be
Stuck upon the earth they cried for three days straight
Until it was too late
The girl had cleaned her plate

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Slim Whitman
http://members.tripod.com/ontarioemperor/poetry.html
March 11, 1999

Brian Eno looked at dad
O and what a dad he had

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Gresham Sub Sonic
http://members.tripod.com/ontarioemperor/poetry.html
March 11, 1999

Dr. Laura and Judge Judy
Played with purple Teletubbies
Contemplating Martha Stewart
In the gutter, on the floor

So I laughed until you pointed
At the Gresham, at the outbreak
And then I laughed no more

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Ritalin Wail
http://members.tripod.com/ontarioemperor/poetry.html
February 26, 1999

I have to get to the center
My mind is a sea
Or so says my teacher
Who wants a doctor for me

A crooked doctor is just fine
I need the drug now
The teacher's supposed to control the class
The teacher doesn't know how

So the teacher turns to the miracle drug
I'm glad it's not overprescribed
How old must I be for Viagra?

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Decided
http://members.tripod.com/ontarioemperor/poetry.html
February 16, 1999

No turning Bach
No turning Bach
No Doris
Days
No Doris Days
No Dig It Frogs
No Dig It Frogs
Just Jerry Falwell
Purple Haze

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Z Tease
http://members.tripod.com/ontarioemperor/poetry.html
December 29, 1998

I glided down the avenue
And spied the
crooked door
I stared beyond the tacos
And wanted more

I tried to think of geography
But "Rio" numbed my head
I tried to solve the mystery
And tuned out what you said

Z Tease is just a planet
Z Tease is Lo-Tek's realm
Z Tease is just your teenage years
When people wanted more

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Billy and the Cows
http://members.tripod.com/ontarioemperor/poetry.html
December 17, 1998

Everybody and their dogs heard the harmonicas
Billy and the cows had come to play
Wile E. Coyote decided to hide the flower pots
Imperial Billy had some appalling things to do today

Star-crossed kewl d00d just gazed out the west window
Muttering, "This job, it's just gotta last"
Now we're shooting peas out the east window
So the memories, the memories are fading fast

Everybody and their dogs heard the harmonicas
Billy and the cows had come to play
Everybody and their dogs heard the harmonicas
Billy and the cows had come to stay

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Shallow Depths
Inspired by
"Nixon Landslide" and "Elect"
http://members.tripod.com/ontarioemperor/poetry.html
November 26, 1998

Drowned in liquid uranium
The daily payment on the floor
The noontime darkness always present
In this old room, behind the door

The captain walked into the tomb
With fading colors never true
I heard the captain slowly mutter
"A Guernsey through and through"

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Waiting for the Bomb
http://members.tripod.com/ontarioemperor/poetry.html
November 15, 1998

Captain left the ground one day
Got a page from below
People viewed the
fading colors
And it was so

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Dance
http://members.tripod.com/ontarioemperor/poetry.html
September 6, 1998

The time has come to put away
Your energy dome and your
imperial pogo
Because we must regress still further
Into the Mr. Green Jeans dance

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Presentation
http://members.tripod.com/ontarioemperor/poetry.html
September 2, 1998

You enter the Empire via firing ranges and forests
And then find yourself within the majestic beauty
Of the cow pastures.
Something is wrong here.

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View of the Realm 1
http://members.tripod.com/ontarioemperor/poetry.html
August 21, 1998

South of Ontario there is a cow
Her voice is deeper than my own
Feminists ignore her exploitation

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Gresham
http://members.tripod.com/ontarioemperor/poetry.html
August 14, 1998

If bad music drives out the good
Then things will come to snorkeling
Drown in sounds that go around
And take you east of Burnside

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Center of the Empire
http://members.tripod.com/ontarioemperor/poetry.html
August 14, 1998

Chaffey did not go to Canada
And lemons do not grow on snowdrifts
Euclidian geometry teaches you how grass grows
And airports shift in time

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